Report by Carrie Blackstar
Associate Reporters
Humor News Nuts Online
A few weeks ago when the weather started turning cool I along with my sister and Gerrard went out to a cabin in the woods that someone in town said was haunted. This anonymous lady said that she had inherited 80 acres with a small pond and cabin on the property. The owner told us that she and her family (husband, son and dog Jake) had only stayed one weekend in the cabin in the past four years. She said that when they wanted to use the property they would take along tents because they could not get any sleep inside the cabin. It seems that all sorts of strange noises happen within, under and outside of the place. She asked me and my sister to investigate since we were such fine investigative reporters.
We decided we needed to bring backup with us in case things got out of hand and whatever was scarring the owner and her family, became violent. Everyone we knew was busy except Gerrard. My sister Carrie did not want me to ask Gerrard to go with us because Gerrard has a thing for Carrie. Carrie can’t stand him. Gerrard raises rats to sell in his mother’s basement. That makes him sound really creepy but, if you knew Gerrard at all you would know that he would be creepy even if he did not raise rats in his mother’s basement. But, he’s big and scary looking. He might just frighten a ghost away. We figured that if Gerrard could not scare the ghost away well, he moves a lot slower than my sister or I so we thought we would just out run him and leave him behind to handle the attacking poltergeist. While he dealt with the ghost Carrie and I planed to run out to the Bronco and head straight back to town.
The cabin was about 30 by 30 feet with a loft above and a half basement under it. The cabin was made out of logs with a door and a window in the front and one window upstairs in the loft. It was starting to get dark when we arrived but, I could tell a lot of the outside logs were starting to rot. The door wasn’t locked so we walked right in. The bottom level of the cabin had a main room consisting of a kitchen and living room along with two bedrooms and a bathroom each leading off from the main room. There was a pull down stairway on one side of the main room opposite the kitchen area. There was no TV but there was a kitchen table, coach and, a couple of lounge chairs. Overall, the cabin was as filthy inside as the logs were rotten on the outside. It had a dank smell to it like wet laundry that you’ve left sitting in a hamper for a month or two. Carrie and I each sat down on a lounge chair while Gerrard sat on the coach with his arm outstretched like one of us should sit next to the creep. The furniture was a brown color and made out of fake leather. It was so sticky that it made me cringe.
We brought with us flashlights, a battery operated lantern, a video camera and a digital recorder. In addition we brought along a cell phone. Gerrard brought along some refrigerator magnets because he believed that if a ghost walks by a magnet then the magnets would be attracted to the ghost and stick to him. Gerrard said that the movement of the magnets would indicate exactly where the ghost was located. Gerrard’s magnet theory did not make any sense to me so I said “Whatever Gerrard.” Gerrard had volunteered to bring snacks and he certainly did do just that. He had a large ice chest full of candy and small bags of corn chips and potato chips. I figure there must have been at least 300,000 calories in that ice chest.
We must have been sitting for all of two minutes before Gerrard took his ice chest full of snacks over to the kitchen table and dumped the contents of the ice chest all over the table's top. Gerrard grabbed a candy bar, ripped off the wrapper and shoved it in his mouth. He chewed on it once and swallowed it. He then opened up a sack of chips. “Do you ladies want any of this stuff?” he asked while he crunched on a mouthful of chips. A few pieces of chewed chips fell out of his mouth and onto the floor. It was disgusting.
“No thanks,” Carrie and I shouted back to him simultaneously. Carrie and I looked at each other and we both new that even if nothing happened, this was going to be a really long night. We should have left Gerrard home and just borrowed the dog from our friend Misty Merkel. The dog would not have been quite so gross when he was eating.
Nothing happened until almost midnight. Carrie had dozed off but, Gerrard had continued eating all that time. There were candy bar wrappers and empty chip bags all over the table and floor surrounding Gerrard. Then, I heard footsteps upstairs in the loft. The footsteps were steady and sounded like someone was pacing back and forth. I looked over to Gerrard but, he was still busily smacking away and was oblivious to anything except for his food. I looked over to my sister and said “Carrie, Carrie, wake up.”
Carrie roused herself and was immediately startled by the footsteps upstairs. Gerrard was still fully focused on his goodies. I yelled to Gerrard, “Gerrard get over here. Get over here right now.”Gerrard reluctantly set down the bag of chips he was working on and came over to where Carrie and I were sitting. “Listen.” I said. The pacing continued. “We’ve got to go upstairs,” I said. I got up and grabbed a flashlight. I then walked over to the stairs and pulled the string that hung down from the ceiling. The stairs folded down and landejust in front of my feet. “Come on you guys!” I said. “You’ve got to follow me to see what’s up there.”
I turned on my flashlight and slowly climbed up the ladder into the loft with Carrie and Gerrard close behind. There were just two small bedrooms with one bedroom at each end. The loft itself had a really low ceiling because the roof was not peaked that much. You could only stand up straight if you walked precisely down the middle of the loft. Gerrard was taller than Carrie or me so he constantly went “Ouch,” as he banged his head on the ceiling.
The remarkable thing was that the pacing had stopped. We looked all over and there was no sign of anyone or anything. Just as we finished our search of the upstairs, we suddenly heard a loud knocking at the door downstairs. We all three quickly scurried down from the loft hoping to find a familiar face knocking at the front door. But, when we opened the door there was no one there. I shined my flashlight out into the darkness and saw no one there. I closed the door and bolted it. Then we heard a faint crying from down in the basement.
It was faint but, it was definitely someone crying or whimpering. We searched around on the floor and soon found a door in the floor which when opened revealed a staircase that led down into the basement. The whimpering got suddenly louder when the basement door was opened. I again led the way followed by my sister and Gerrard brought up the rear. No sooner had my foot hit the basement floor than the crying stopped. We searched the little half basement and found nothing.
No sooner had we all gotten back to the ground floor and closed the door to the basement when we heard a very distinct man’s voice say “Get out of here!” We all froze in our steps. None of us said a thing. Then, amazingly the refrigerator magnets Gerrard had brought along flew up into the air and began to move around. They moved in front of the window where we could see the outline of a big, burly man dressed like a lumberjack. His hands were around a woman’s neck. She cried out to us for help but, there was nothing we could do. Her life had ended a long time ago. We decided to get the heck out of there. We grabbed our equipment and ran outside to the Bronco. All three of us climbed into the Bronco and sped off for town.
The next day I informed the owner that she should burn the cabin down. It was truly a haunted site. She said she would have the place tore down and would build a cabin on the other side of the property. Gerrard kept bugging me to go back with him to the cabin to retrieve his snacks. He said he left behind at least two dozen candy bars and half dozen bags of chips. I told him I was never going back to that site and besides, it wouldn’t hurt him to lay off a few calories from time to time. I told him my sister Carrie would never go out with him unless he gets into shape. He has not spoken to me since then.
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